1
00:00:02,080 --> 00:00:04,800
Haley! Hurry up!
You're gonna be late!

2
00:00:04,920 --> 00:00:07,640
Alex, what are you doing? I need to document
Haley's first day on the chain gang.

3
00:00:07,720 --> 00:00:09,837
It's not a chain gang.
It's community service.

4
00:00:09,920 --> 00:00:12,640
And leave her alone.
She feels bad enough as it is.

5
00:00:12,720 --> 00:00:14,473
Okay, I'm torn.
On one hand, I'm like,

6
00:00:14,560 --> 00:00:15,994
"Ugh, I have to pick up
garbage all day."

7
00:00:16,120 --> 00:00:18,840
And on the other hand, I'm
like, "Look at me in orange."

8
00:00:18,920 --> 00:00:20,832
[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]

9
00:00:20,920 --> 00:00:23,355
Aw, that's cute.
Send that to me.

10
00:00:23,440 --> 00:00:26,035
Haley had a little run-in
with the law in college.

11
00:00:26,120 --> 00:00:28,874
She was arrested for
assaulting a police officer.

12
00:00:28,960 --> 00:00:30,997
Accidentally.
I fell on him.

13
00:00:31,120 --> 00:00:34,079
While evading arrest for underage drinking.
That was on purpose.

14
00:00:34,160 --> 00:00:36,921
They were very lenient with her. She
only has to do community service.

15
00:00:37,000 --> 00:00:39,469
Because I do not
have any priors.

16
00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,115
Taking a little too much
pride in that, sweetheart.

17
00:00:42,200 --> 00:00:44,032
Things can get
pretty rough out there.

18
00:00:44,120 --> 00:00:46,112
I couldn't get my hands
on any cigarettes,

19
00:00:46,200 --> 00:00:48,556
but I did make you a shiv
out of an old knife.

20
00:00:48,640 --> 00:00:50,438
You don't make a shiv
out of a knife.

21
00:00:50,520 --> 00:00:53,160
Yeah, you make a shiv out of a
rusty spoon or a shard of glass.

22
00:00:53,280 --> 00:00:56,398
- Or a human femur.
- Exactly. Be creative.

23
00:00:56,480 --> 00:00:57,960
It's really sweet of you, Luke,

24
00:00:58,040 --> 00:01:00,271
but there's just gonna be a bunch
of drunk drivers and vandalizers...

25
00:01:00,360 --> 00:01:02,079
who were stupid enough
to get caught.

26
00:01:02,160 --> 00:01:04,994
Or stupid enough to use the word
"vandalizers." [ Chuckles ]

27
00:01:06,280 --> 00:01:07,509
It's "vandals."

28
00:01:07,600 --> 00:01:09,239
- Oh.
- Oh.

29
00:01:09,320 --> 00:01:10,993
I'm so alone.

30
00:01:11,120 --> 00:01:12,236
[ Roars ] [ All Scream ]

31
00:01:12,320 --> 00:01:15,279
They're gonna eat
you alive, Suburbia.

32
00:01:17,160 --> 00:01:17,976
♪ Hey, hey ♪

33
00:01:25,280 --> 00:01:26,475
♪ Hey♪ ♪

34
00:01:29,760 --> 00:01:32,878
Mitchell, we're back. You are
not going to believe this.

35
00:01:32,960 --> 00:01:35,953
Cam, do you remember why I didn't want you
to swap out the handles on Lily's dresser?

36
00:01:36,040 --> 00:01:38,000
Because you lack a designer's
eye and fear change?

37
00:01:38,040 --> 00:01:40,111
No. Because I was afraid
two weeks would go by,

38
00:01:40,200 --> 00:01:42,669
and we'd still be using a spatula
to get at Lily's clothes.

39
00:01:42,760 --> 00:01:45,229
Okay. Well, we have
bigger issues.

40
00:01:45,320 --> 00:01:47,676
Guess what they are cutting down
at the park today.

41
00:01:47,800 --> 00:01:49,632
A tree. Yes. How
did you know that?

42
00:01:49,720 --> 00:01:52,838
- I played a hunch.
- Not just any tree-Treeona Elmsley.

43
00:01:52,920 --> 00:01:56,197
Oh, no. That's terrible.
That's our picnic tree.

44
00:01:56,280 --> 00:01:58,158
It's a nightmare.

45
00:01:58,240 --> 00:02:00,550
Well, someone's picked up
her daddy's gift for hyperbole.

46
00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,957
They are literally chainsawing
paradise to put up a parking lot.

47
00:02:04,080 --> 00:02:05,514
That's too bad.
We have to do something.

48
00:02:05,600 --> 00:02:07,080
Well, if we knew earlier,
we could.

49
00:02:07,160 --> 00:02:09,072
I blame myself.
I've taken on too much.

50
00:02:10,160 --> 00:02:11,640
What exactly have you taken on?

51
00:02:11,720 --> 00:02:13,632
Are you kidding me?
Teaching music?

52
00:02:13,720 --> 00:02:16,713
This dresser handle project?
My role in the musical?

53
00:02:16,800 --> 00:02:19,315
- Oh, that.
- You know what? I don't like your tone.

54
00:02:19,400 --> 00:02:22,313
The understudy's the most
challenging role in any production.

55
00:02:22,400 --> 00:02:25,632
You have to be ready at a moment's notice to
go on and face a disappointed audience...

56
00:02:25,720 --> 00:02:28,713
- who was there to see Kenny van Heffington.
- Our insurance guy?

57
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:30,712
- He's breathtaking.
- Really?

58
00:02:30,800 --> 00:02:33,190
Yeah, I hate him. Anyway,
what was I talking about?

59
00:02:33,280 --> 00:02:35,556
Putting new handles
on the dresser.

60
00:02:35,640 --> 00:02:38,314
Right. The tree.
I have to do something.

61
00:02:39,840 --> 00:02:42,036
I can't live like this.

62
00:02:46,240 --> 00:02:48,118
Manny, while we're young!

63
00:02:48,200 --> 00:02:51,557
He doesn't want to go. That's why he's
taking so long with the primping.

64
00:02:51,640 --> 00:02:54,678
A boy his age should do
exactly zero primping.

65
00:02:54,800 --> 00:02:56,792
You ready?
Not in the least.

66
00:02:56,880 --> 00:02:58,360
That's the spirit.

67
00:02:58,440 --> 00:03:00,079
This kid in my class,
Doug Brooks,

68
00:03:00,200 --> 00:03:02,510
has a sports-themed
birthday party every year.

69
00:03:02,600 --> 00:03:05,513
All boys. All sports.
All day.

70
00:03:05,600 --> 00:03:07,592
He calls it the Doug-lympics,

71
00:03:07,680 --> 00:03:10,195
which might make sense
if he did it every four years...

72
00:03:10,280 --> 00:03:12,272
or if his name was AI.

73
00:03:12,360 --> 00:03:14,875
Let's just say
nothing about it works.

74
00:03:14,960 --> 00:03:16,872
Manny, it's a beautiful
day outside.

75
00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:19,077
Go on.
Enjoy your Dougylympics.

76
00:03:19,160 --> 00:03:21,550
You don't have to win a medal.
Just have fun.

77
00:03:21,680 --> 00:03:24,036
Doug finishes with the most
medals no matter what.

78
00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:28,000
Plus I think he only invites me because
he likes to match skin color to nation.

79
00:03:28,080 --> 00:03:29,992
I know that's why
Alan Yang gets invited.

80
00:03:30,080 --> 00:03:31,753
Okay, we get it.
Sports isn't your thing.

81
00:03:31,840 --> 00:03:35,038
But you gotta step out of
your comfort zone sometime.

82
00:03:35,120 --> 00:03:37,794
And for God's sake,
change out of those wing tips.

83
00:03:37,880 --> 00:03:40,111
You're a kid.
You're not Nixon on the beach.

84
00:03:40,240 --> 00:03:42,994
Fine. I'll put on my sporty shoes.
Where are they?

85
00:03:43,080 --> 00:03:44,594
They're still in the box.

86
00:03:44,680 --> 00:03:47,718
Don't forget to take out the paper
before you put them on, okay?

87
00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:50,440
And they're called sneakers.

88
00:03:50,520 --> 00:03:51,590
[ Knocking ]

89
00:03:51,680 --> 00:03:54,718
[ Singsong ] Hello, hello!

90
00:03:54,800 --> 00:03:56,837
Hey, Gloria.
So, ready to go?

91
00:03:56,920 --> 00:03:58,957
- Where?
- Thought we were doing a Costco run.

92
00:03:59,040 --> 00:04:01,874
Oh, I see what this is.

93
00:04:01,960 --> 00:04:05,158
You called Claire to babysit
the stupid pregnant lady!

94
00:04:05,280 --> 00:04:08,159
You're the one who called her.
I did?

95
00:04:08,240 --> 00:04:11,233
I called Claire.
Gloria needs watching.

96
00:04:11,320 --> 00:04:13,596
She's got a serious case
of pregnancy brain.

97
00:04:13,680 --> 00:04:16,593
Last week, I found a bar
of soap in the fridge...

98
00:04:16,680 --> 00:04:18,512
and a stick of butter
in the shower.

99
00:04:18,600 --> 00:04:22,071
I walked around all day smelling
like a bucket of popcorn.

100
00:04:22,160 --> 00:04:24,277
Better than the toast I ate.

101
00:04:24,360 --> 00:04:27,239
Yet you ate the second piece.

102
00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:29,630
Jay, bye-bye!
We're leaving!

103
00:04:29,720 --> 00:04:31,837
Seriously?
I'm right here.

104
00:04:35,560 --> 00:04:37,711
[ Shouting, Laughing ]

105
00:04:37,800 --> 00:04:40,200
[ Man 1 ] Duck! Duck! Come on
and hit him, you little freak!

106
00:04:40,240 --> 00:04:41,435
[ Man 2 ] Hands up!

107
00:04:41,560 --> 00:04:44,678
Talk about a big left hook.
God, I love you.

108
00:04:44,760 --> 00:04:48,390
- Phil in the Blank!
- Bill of Rights! Jerryatric!

109
00:04:48,480 --> 00:04:50,790
Alan's dad!

110
00:04:50,880 --> 00:04:52,519
Hey, guys.
Luke, you getting in there?

111
00:04:52,600 --> 00:04:53,795
Of course.
[ Laughs ]

112
00:04:53,880 --> 00:04:56,554
Look, I'm Mexico.
Again.

113
00:04:56,640 --> 00:04:58,871
Does anybody care
that I'm not from Mexico?

114
00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:01,634
You keep saying that, but we've
never seen a birth certificate.

115
00:05:01,720 --> 00:05:04,394
All right, look. I'll pick you up at 5:00.
Knock yourself out.

116
00:05:04,480 --> 00:05:06,711
Or better still,
knock someone else out.

117
00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:09,520
Jay, where you headed? Why don't you stick
around and grab a beer with the dads?

118
00:05:09,600 --> 00:05:12,798
I don't really know those guys. I think I'll
just swing by the club, hit a few balls.

119
00:05:12,880 --> 00:05:14,837
Well, come here.
Let me introduce you around.

120
00:05:14,960 --> 00:05:18,317
Hey, guys, this is Jay, my father-in-law.
Manny's stepdad.

121
00:05:18,400 --> 00:05:21,154
- Hey, what's up, Jay-Io?
- Okay, guys, I'll see you later.

122
00:05:21,240 --> 00:05:24,438
What's the matter, Jay? Afraid to
step outside your comfort zone?

123
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:27,274
I will send you back to Mexico.

124
00:05:28,240 --> 00:05:29,993
I didn't really call you,
did I?

125
00:05:30,080 --> 00:05:32,470
No, my dad did.
But I thought you knew.

126
00:05:32,600 --> 00:05:36,196
[ Groans ] I want to be so
mad at him, but he's right.

127
00:05:36,320 --> 00:05:40,360
I have two brains in my body, but I've
never been so dumb. It happens. I get it.

128
00:05:40,440 --> 00:05:44,150
You have another human being inside
of you competing for resources.

129
00:05:44,280 --> 00:05:46,749
Look, when I was pregnant with Alex,
I could barely remember my name.

130
00:05:46,840 --> 00:05:48,559
Same with Haley and Luke?

131
00:05:48,640 --> 00:05:51,560
Mmm, not so much. They kind of just
hung out in there, let me do my thing.

132
00:05:51,600 --> 00:05:53,671
Thank you for understanding.

133
00:05:53,800 --> 00:05:56,235
I'm glad that you came.
Mmm.

134
00:05:56,360 --> 00:05:59,432
It will help me not to forget stuff.
I'm glad I can help out.

135
00:05:59,560 --> 00:06:01,279
[ Door Alarm Chimes ] I-Whoa, whoa!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!

136
00:06:01,360 --> 00:06:03,556
Why didn't you stop first?

137
00:06:03,680 --> 00:06:06,354
[ Men Chattering ]
Where's Daddy?

138
00:06:06,480 --> 00:06:09,681
I don't know, sweetie. He said to meet him by Treeona.
[ Cameron ] Mitchell! Lily!

139
00:06:09,720 --> 00:06:12,110
Where is he? Up here!
Look up here!

140
00:06:12,200 --> 00:06:14,476
[ Gasps ] Cam, what are
you doing up there?

141
00:06:14,600 --> 00:06:17,080
I came down to say good-bye to
the tree, give it one final hug,

142
00:06:17,160 --> 00:06:19,356
and before I knew it,
I was up here.

143
00:06:19,480 --> 00:06:21,119
When you say
one final hug-

144
00:06:21,200 --> 00:06:25,319
If I'm occupying the tree, they can't cut it down.
I googled it. It's a thing.

145
00:06:25,400 --> 00:06:27,312
Okay, Lily. See,
this is a nightmare.

146
00:06:27,400 --> 00:06:29,551
Tell me about it.

147
00:06:29,640 --> 00:06:32,314
You know what? You're a
list-maker, a planner.

148
00:06:32,400 --> 00:06:35,313
I'm a doer
and an action-taker!

149
00:06:35,400 --> 00:06:37,710
Sean Penn would play me
in a movie about this,

150
00:06:37,800 --> 00:06:40,440
or Anne Hathaway, if they
wanted a female-driven vehicle.

151
00:06:40,520 --> 00:06:42,591
And who would play
your long-suffering partner?

152
00:06:42,680 --> 00:06:45,718
- Julianne Moore, either way.
- I would totally see that. I would.

153
00:06:45,840 --> 00:06:49,720
Hey! My supervisor wants to know if
you have a history of mental illness.

154
00:06:49,800 --> 00:06:52,793
- No, sir, I do not.
- Well, uh-

155
00:06:56,680 --> 00:06:58,637
All right, Cam, let's hear it.
What's the plan?

156
00:06:58,720 --> 00:07:00,712
I don't know. I'm sort
of making it up as I go.

157
00:07:00,800 --> 00:07:02,120
Are you sure you wanna do this?

158
00:07:02,200 --> 00:07:04,954
Yes. I've never been more sure
about anything in my life.

159
00:07:05,040 --> 00:07:09,956
We need to teach our daughter the value of
taking a stand, no matter the sacrifice!

160
00:07:10,040 --> 00:07:11,759
[ Cell Phone Rings ]

161
00:07:11,840 --> 00:07:13,354
[ Beeps ] Hello?

162
00:07:15,000 --> 00:07:17,356
Done.
I'll be right there.

163
00:07:17,480 --> 00:07:19,437
[ Beeps ] Mitchell, you need to get up here.
I have to go.

164
00:07:19,520 --> 00:07:21,591
- Excuse me?
- That was my theater troupe. An actor's sick.

165
00:07:21,680 --> 00:07:23,160
I have to go
and do the matinee.

166
00:07:23,240 --> 00:07:25,550
What happened to showing Lily
the value of taking a stand?

167
00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:27,199
It's the lead.

168
00:07:27,280 --> 00:07:30,751
It's also important to show her the
value of honoring one's commitments.

169
00:07:30,840 --> 00:07:33,116
And in this case, my
commitment preceded my stand!

170
00:07:33,200 --> 00:07:34,714
This is so you, Cam.

171
00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:37,554
You start something, and then
you expect me to finish it.

172
00:07:37,640 --> 00:07:41,111
- So you're not coming up here?
- No! No, I'm not. Come on.

173
00:07:41,200 --> 00:07:46,070
- Mitchell, where were we the first day Lily rolled over?
- Under this tree.

174
00:07:46,160 --> 00:07:49,676
- Where is home base when we play hide-and-go-seek?
- Under this tree.

175
00:07:49,760 --> 00:07:52,798
And where did we take shelter during
that dangerous lightning storm?

176
00:07:52,880 --> 00:07:56,191
Wasn't a good idea,
but it was under this tree.

177
00:07:56,280 --> 00:07:58,875
Daddy, you've got
to save the tree!

178
00:07:59,040 --> 00:08:01,396
Yeah, Daddy, you have to save the tree!
Okay, okay.

179
00:08:01,480 --> 00:08:03,756
But you get back here
the second you are done.

180
00:08:03,840 --> 00:08:06,230
Well, I can't very well turn
away fans that come backstage.

181
00:08:06,320 --> 00:08:07,515
The second!

182
00:08:07,600 --> 00:08:10,593
[ Vehicles Passing ]

183
00:08:15,200 --> 00:08:19,194
Last summer, my sister took a
totally humiliating photo of me.

184
00:08:19,320 --> 00:08:20,800
[ Air Horn Blasts ]
[ Muffled Scream ]

185
00:08:20,880 --> 00:08:22,109
[ Chuckles ]

186
00:08:22,200 --> 00:08:23,714
[ Muffled ]
Haley, that's not funny!

187
00:08:23,800 --> 00:08:26,599
Then she posted it to Facebook
and refused to take it down.

188
00:08:26,680 --> 00:08:29,195
It got 873 likes.

189
00:08:29,320 --> 00:08:32,791
Meanwhile, there's not
one embarrassing photo of Haley.

190
00:08:32,880 --> 00:08:34,599
Even her mug shots were cute.

191
00:08:34,680 --> 00:08:36,319
[ Camera Shutter Clicks ]

192
00:08:36,400 --> 00:08:39,074
Today, I get my revenge.

193
00:08:39,160 --> 00:08:43,439
One photo of Haley dirty, sweaty,
picking up trash like a criminal.

194
00:08:43,520 --> 00:08:45,716
It'll be my finest moment.

195
00:08:45,800 --> 00:08:47,800
In a few years, I hope
to have some more friends...

196
00:08:47,920 --> 00:08:50,276
and not have time
for this kind of stuff.

197
00:08:53,200 --> 00:08:54,429
Okay. Hey.

198
00:08:54,560 --> 00:08:56,392
Where did you go?
To get a sweatshirt.

199
00:08:56,480 --> 00:08:58,711
We've been standing in the frozen
food aisle for half an hour.

200
00:08:58,840 --> 00:09:02,277
I need something frozen.
Right. What?

201
00:09:02,360 --> 00:09:05,353
I don't know. I just
wrote the word "frozen."

202
00:09:05,480 --> 00:09:08,712
Okay. Uh, let's think.
Peas. Ice cream. Pizza?

203
00:09:08,840 --> 00:09:10,638
Waffles.
Wait a minute.

204
00:09:10,720 --> 00:09:13,076
It says "dozens."
I need the eggs!

205
00:09:13,160 --> 00:09:14,833
Ah, the eggs. Okay.

206
00:09:14,920 --> 00:09:16,400
Ay, no, on the other side.

207
00:09:16,480 --> 00:09:20,759
Oh. Oh. I-I'll get the cart.
So that's-Oh, sorry.

208
00:09:20,840 --> 00:09:23,639
That's-That's me.
That's me. I got it.

209
00:09:23,720 --> 00:09:26,280
[ Shouting ] [ Grunting ]

210
00:09:26,360 --> 00:09:28,113
Come on, guys!
They're killing us!

211
00:09:28,200 --> 00:09:29,680
Where the heck is Mexico?

212
00:09:29,760 --> 00:09:31,911
Good news, gentlemen!
I found another rope.

213
00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:34,595
If we double Dutch,
everyone wins.

214
00:09:34,680 --> 00:09:35,750
[ Groans ]

215
00:09:35,840 --> 00:09:37,320
Okay. Hold still.
[ Shutter Clicks ]

216
00:09:37,400 --> 00:09:41,110
And wait for it. This is what
you'd look like fat and bald.

217
00:09:41,200 --> 00:09:42,873
[ All Laughing ]

218
00:09:42,960 --> 00:09:44,917
On my phone,
that app's called a camera.

219
00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,559
Bill, don't do that
to yourself.

220
00:09:46,640 --> 00:09:48,871
Let me tell you something.
Ellen is one lucky woman.

221
00:09:49,000 --> 00:09:51,595
[ Laughing ] Why is that funny?

222
00:09:51,720 --> 00:09:54,918
Because she's married to Jerry.
[ Chuckles ]

223
00:09:55,000 --> 00:09:56,514
Jay, you got any good apps?

224
00:09:56,600 --> 00:09:58,751
I don't know. I got call waiting.
Is that an app?

225
00:09:58,840 --> 00:10:01,355
- [ All Laughing ]
- You guys laugh a lot, huh?

226
00:10:01,440 --> 00:10:03,159
Jay's a little
technologically challenged.

227
00:10:03,240 --> 00:10:04,674
From a guy
who can't drive a stick.

228
00:10:04,760 --> 00:10:05,910
[ Jerry] What? You can't?

229
00:10:06,040 --> 00:10:07,952
- Well-
- He called me to rescue him one time.

230
00:10:08,040 --> 00:10:10,480
He got stuck on a hill. He was
afraid to let go of the clutch.

231
00:10:10,560 --> 00:10:12,756
- Well, I-
- By the time I got there,

232
00:10:12,880 --> 00:10:14,360
traffic's backed up
half a mile,

233
00:10:14,440 --> 00:10:16,272
everybody's yelling at him,
he's in tears.

234
00:10:16,360 --> 00:10:18,352
Not tears.
Maybe sweat.

235
00:10:18,440 --> 00:10:22,036
- Yeah, sweatin' out your eyes.
- [ All Laughing ]

236
00:10:23,360 --> 00:10:26,239
[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]

237
00:10:26,320 --> 00:10:28,755
I had about 10 pretty bad
pictures of Haley.

238
00:10:28,840 --> 00:10:31,958
I could have quit right there,
but I'm a perfectionist.

239
00:10:32,040 --> 00:10:33,235
I thought,

240
00:10:33,360 --> 00:10:36,592
"I could do better.
She could look worse."

241
00:10:36,720 --> 00:10:38,313
[ Horn Honks ] Whoa!

242
00:10:38,400 --> 00:10:40,039
Oh, my God.

243
00:10:44,080 --> 00:10:46,311
All right, pal.
Come down from the tree.

244
00:10:46,400 --> 00:10:48,278
Sorry. Can't do that.

245
00:10:48,360 --> 00:10:49,999
Come down before
we pull you down.

246
00:10:50,080 --> 00:10:52,720
Well, hey. Ease up.
What's the problem?

247
00:10:52,800 --> 00:10:54,996
Look, I don't want to be
up here, you know?

248
00:10:55,080 --> 00:10:56,958
But this is my daughter's
favorite tree.

249
00:10:57,040 --> 00:11:00,192
And my partner, he's all up in arms
about them cutting it down, so-

250
00:11:00,280 --> 00:11:01,953
If your partner's so worked
up, why isn't he here?

251
00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:04,032
Oh, well, that's
a very good question.

252
00:11:04,120 --> 00:11:07,591
It's because he starts things and he
doesn't finish them, so then I have to.

253
00:11:07,680 --> 00:11:11,515
Just like my wife. You know, my therapist
would say we're enabling them.

254
00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:15,316
You and your therapist. Well, I wouldn't
have to see him if you hadn't shot that guy.

255
00:11:15,400 --> 00:11:18,472
Ah, that again? Look, let's just
spray him with the fire hose.

256
00:11:18,560 --> 00:11:20,472
You're not helping, Terry.

257
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:24,713
It's not your fight. So why don't
you do us a favor and come on down?

258
00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:26,837
Because he's right, all right?

259
00:11:26,920 --> 00:11:30,516
That's the frustrating part. I-I've been
sitting up here these past few hours,

260
00:11:30,600 --> 00:11:33,672
and... this tree
is beautiful, okay?

261
00:11:33,760 --> 00:11:37,197
And I-I can hear the squirrels
dancing through the branches,

262
00:11:37,280 --> 00:11:38,953
you know, chasing each other.

263
00:11:39,040 --> 00:11:40,520
No idea what's about to happen.

264
00:11:40,600 --> 00:11:43,877
You know, this isn't just a tree.
This is a home.

265
00:11:43,960 --> 00:11:47,749
Yeah. To, like, a hundred rats.
They're all over this thing.

266
00:11:47,840 --> 00:11:51,629
Well, that changes nothing. I will wait
you guys out all night if I have to.

267
00:11:51,720 --> 00:11:53,552
Cam, you got 20 minutes,
and I'm out of this tree.

268
00:11:53,640 --> 00:11:55,199
[ Rustling ] [ Squeaking ]

269
00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:57,749
Terry, you wanna get
ready with that hose?

270
00:11:57,840 --> 00:11:59,479
So Alex comes home
from school the other day,

271
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:01,552
and she says the teacher didn't
know what she was talking about,

272
00:12:01,640 --> 00:12:03,120
when in reality,
I don't think that-

273
00:12:03,280 --> 00:12:04,714
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
¡Ay!

274
00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:07,634
Hey! You almost just cut my head off.
You gotta focus.

275
00:12:07,720 --> 00:12:10,838
I am sorry. After all that,
I forgot the eggs!

276
00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,832
Excuse me.
Yeah, hang on one second.

277
00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:16,556
Listen, this is not just your pregnancy.
You are purposely turning your brain off.

278
00:12:16,640 --> 00:12:18,280
You have to at least
try to pay attention.

279
00:12:18,360 --> 00:12:19,510
Ma'am?
Yeah.

280
00:12:19,640 --> 00:12:21,916
Do you have a receipt for
that sweatshirt? Oh, shoot.

281
00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:23,673
I'm gonna need you to
come back into the store.

282
00:12:23,760 --> 00:12:26,150
Oh, no. I forgot I was wearing it.
It's no big deal. Here.

283
00:12:26,240 --> 00:12:27,674
Ma'am, the store.

284
00:12:27,760 --> 00:12:30,798
Are you kidding me? I didn't
try to steal a sweatshirt.

285
00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:32,593
Sir, I'm a mom.
Uh-huh.

286
00:12:32,680 --> 00:12:35,070
- Gloria, help me out.
- Listen, Mr. Policeman.

287
00:12:35,160 --> 00:12:38,471
If we wanted to steal it, you
wouldn't even know that it was gone!

288
00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,756
Yeah, okay.
That's not helping.

289
00:12:45,720 --> 00:12:46,995
[ Haley Laughing ]

290
00:12:49,600 --> 00:12:50,590
[ Stick Snaps ]

291
00:12:51,560 --> 00:12:54,678
[ Grunts ]
Ooh! Oop! Ooh!

292
00:12:54,760 --> 00:12:55,989
Ew!

293
00:12:56,080 --> 00:12:58,879
Oh, my God!
A gold bracelet!

294
00:12:58,960 --> 00:13:01,634
Hey, can we keep what we find?

295
00:13:01,720 --> 00:13:03,791
Unbelievable.

296
00:13:03,880 --> 00:13:05,678
[ Junk Clatters ]

297
00:13:07,000 --> 00:13:08,400
Really?

298
00:13:12,360 --> 00:13:15,159
Gentlemen, you wanna know about
the real ultimate Frisbee?

299
00:13:15,240 --> 00:13:17,630
Walk with one balanced
on your head for 50 meters.

300
00:13:17,720 --> 00:13:20,235
It is a measure of poise,
balance and posture.

301
00:13:20,360 --> 00:13:24,070
Let's just whip the Frisbees at each other
as hard as we can and see who quits first.

302
00:13:24,160 --> 00:13:26,994
Frisbee smash.
Awesome! Let's go!

303
00:13:27,080 --> 00:13:29,151
Oh, my God, I'm Sisyphus.

304
00:13:29,240 --> 00:13:31,311
[ Luke ]
A big one! Ha, ha!

305
00:13:31,400 --> 00:13:35,189
So he's out in our yard
and he's got a boom box-

306
00:13:35,280 --> 00:13:36,919
What's the name of that
movie with the boom box?

307
00:13:37,040 --> 00:13:39,077
Oh, Say Anything.
With John Mahoney.

308
00:13:39,160 --> 00:13:42,278
So anyway, he's out there, and he's
begging Claire for forgiveness.

309
00:13:42,360 --> 00:13:44,795
She's still mad at him.
She won't have any of it.

310
00:13:44,880 --> 00:13:47,315
So he turns it up full blast,

311
00:13:47,400 --> 00:13:49,278
and it's Olivia Newton-John.

312
00:13:49,360 --> 00:13:50,840
[ All Laughing ]

313
00:13:50,920 --> 00:13:53,560
And he starts singing,
"Let's get Philsical."

314
00:13:54,840 --> 00:13:57,992
- It was an inside joke.
- Oh, not anymore.

315
00:13:58,080 --> 00:13:59,992
Okay, enough with
the funny Phil stories.

316
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,719
But I haven't even gotten
to the best part yet.

317
00:14:01,800 --> 00:14:04,156
So he's doing his little dance,
and I can't take any more,

318
00:14:04,280 --> 00:14:06,272
so I nail him
with the sprinklers.

319
00:14:07,520 --> 00:14:09,273
Yep, and you also
shorted out my boom box,

320
00:14:09,400 --> 00:14:12,000
which you said you'd replace and you never did.
I never said that!

321
00:14:12,080 --> 00:14:14,560
Yes, you did. You still owe me one
boom box, 12 "D" batteries...

322
00:14:14,600 --> 00:14:16,114
and an Olivia Newton-John
cassingle.

323
00:14:16,200 --> 00:14:19,477
Huh. Okay, uh-

324
00:14:19,560 --> 00:14:21,392
Why don't we settle it
in the ring?

325
00:14:21,480 --> 00:14:25,474
We get in there, and if you beat me,
I'll buy you any boom box you want.

326
00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:28,519
If I beat you, then you've gotta
do your little dance for everyone.

327
00:14:28,600 --> 00:14:30,114
[ All ] Yeah!

328
00:14:31,200 --> 00:14:32,600
I'm in.

329
00:14:32,680 --> 00:14:34,160
Let's get Philsical.

330
00:14:35,200 --> 00:14:36,919
I wasn't worried.
I'd boxed in the navy.

331
00:14:37,000 --> 00:14:39,560
And it was Phil.

332
00:14:39,640 --> 00:14:41,400
And here's something
I thought I'd never say-

333
00:14:41,480 --> 00:14:45,918
I'd rather box my daughter's
husband than my son's.

334
00:14:46,000 --> 00:14:47,798
[ Dings ]

335
00:14:47,880 --> 00:14:50,714
Whoo!
Yeah!

336
00:14:50,800 --> 00:14:53,156
Yeah, come on!
Ohh!

337
00:14:53,240 --> 00:14:55,277
Ohh! Ohh!

338
00:14:55,360 --> 00:14:57,033
Yeah!
Yeah!

339
00:14:57,120 --> 00:15:01,000
I may have been holding on to
a tiny bit of anger towards Jay.

340
00:15:01,080 --> 00:15:04,517
I scooped ice cream all summer
for that boom box!

341
00:15:04,600 --> 00:15:07,638
[ Grunting ]

342
00:15:09,360 --> 00:15:10,430
Oh!

343
00:15:11,560 --> 00:15:13,677
Excuse me. Pardon me.
We're here! We're here!

344
00:15:13,760 --> 00:15:16,400
- We came as fast as we could!
- You couldn't change?

345
00:15:16,480 --> 00:15:18,517
You said come right away!

346
00:15:18,600 --> 00:15:20,671
Excuse me,
ladies and gentlemen.

347
00:15:20,760 --> 00:15:24,356
Oakwood Rep's production of Cats-Make
sure you catch it this week.

348
00:15:24,440 --> 00:15:28,832
Word on the street is the
understudy steals the show!

349
00:15:28,920 --> 00:15:32,675
Mitchell, I get two more shows. Kenny
van Heffington's toenail is infected!

350
00:15:32,760 --> 00:15:34,274
Just get up here, all right?

351
00:15:34,360 --> 00:15:37,080
The crew has to leave at dark,
so you have until then.

352
00:15:37,160 --> 00:15:38,719
Easy peasy.

353
00:15:38,800 --> 00:15:40,961
Sweetie, tell Daddy what
you thought of my performance.

354
00:15:41,000 --> 00:15:42,229
Transcendent.

355
00:15:42,320 --> 00:15:43,674
Ah, geez.

356
00:15:43,760 --> 00:15:45,513
Is this sap?

357
00:15:47,440 --> 00:15:50,114
Why would I buy hundreds of
dollars worth of merchandise...

358
00:15:50,200 --> 00:15:51,839
and then steal
a $20 sweatshirt?

359
00:15:51,920 --> 00:15:55,675
I don't know.
Maybe you do it for the thrill.

360
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:59,117
I know your type. You're a bored
housewife, drives a minivan,

361
00:15:59,200 --> 00:16:01,112
husband spends
a little too much time online.

362
00:16:01,200 --> 00:16:03,510
Got a couple of kids,
a college degree you don't use.

363
00:16:03,600 --> 00:16:05,080
You could not be more wrong.

364
00:16:05,160 --> 00:16:06,958
Yes. She has three kids.

365
00:16:07,040 --> 00:16:10,078
Okay, no. No, no. No, no. No.
That's not helping.

366
00:16:10,160 --> 00:16:13,073
Look, as I said before,
it was an accident.

367
00:16:13,200 --> 00:16:14,793
Heard it a thousand times.

368
00:16:14,880 --> 00:16:18,840
Grandmothers, businessmen, honor students.
They all say the same thing.

369
00:16:18,920 --> 00:16:22,197
"It was an accident. I don't know how
that clock radio got in my pants."

370
00:16:22,280 --> 00:16:25,239
Oh, for God's sake! I don't feel well.
Let us go.

371
00:16:25,320 --> 00:16:27,915
Yeah, right.
Is that even a baby?

372
00:16:28,000 --> 00:16:31,152
'Cause from here,
it looks like a turkey.

373
00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:34,233
[ Sighs ] I need you to sign
this, admitting your guilt...

374
00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:35,913
and promising you'll never
return to this store.

375
00:16:36,040 --> 00:16:38,111
I'm not signing that.
Okay, great.

376
00:16:38,240 --> 00:16:40,550
Then I'm gonna call the police
and I'll be forced to-Aah!

377
00:16:40,680 --> 00:16:42,558
[ Liquid Splatters ]
What was that?

378
00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:46,998
My water broke!
I'm having the baby!

379
00:16:47,080 --> 00:16:48,992
[ Chattering ]

380
00:16:50,760 --> 00:16:52,080
Hey.

381
00:16:52,160 --> 00:16:54,834
Sorry about that.
I went a little nuts there.

382
00:16:54,960 --> 00:16:56,872
I don't know what happened.
[ Spits ]

383
00:16:56,960 --> 00:16:58,553
I do.

384
00:16:58,640 --> 00:17:00,711
I was ragging on you
in front of your friends.

385
00:17:00,840 --> 00:17:03,196
Oh, yeah.
Sorry about that.

386
00:17:03,320 --> 00:17:06,472
I couldn't think of anything
else to say. Why not?

387
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:09,359
I got 20, 25 years on those guys.
We got nothing in common.

388
00:17:09,440 --> 00:17:10,999
It's only gonna get worse.

389
00:17:11,080 --> 00:17:13,515
I mean, what's it gonna be like
with the new kid in 10 years?

390
00:17:13,600 --> 00:17:16,035
Oh, my goodness.

391
00:17:16,120 --> 00:17:19,875
You're insecure and vulnerable. This
is the cutest thing I've ever seen.

392
00:17:20,000 --> 00:17:22,117
Shut up.
Who's a shy bunny?

393
00:17:22,200 --> 00:17:24,317
You wanna go one more round,
without the gloves?

394
00:17:24,400 --> 00:17:26,517
I'm just playing around, Jay.

395
00:17:26,600 --> 00:17:29,479
I don't care how old you are. I
could sit and talk to you all day.

396
00:17:29,600 --> 00:17:32,672
Those guys really liked you too.
I don't care about that.

397
00:17:32,760 --> 00:17:34,831
Did they?

398
00:17:34,960 --> 00:17:37,156
Even Jerry?
Yes.

399
00:17:37,240 --> 00:17:40,756
Well, maybe you're right. I mean, Manny
didn't want to come and look at him.

400
00:17:40,840 --> 00:17:42,513
Looks like he's
having a great time.

401
00:17:42,600 --> 00:17:47,038
So then Luke's dad grabs the Taser
from me, and he was like, "Uhh! Uhh!"

402
00:17:47,160 --> 00:17:51,200
No. No! That's not how it happened.
[ Laughing ]

403
00:17:51,280 --> 00:17:54,193
[ Groans ]
¡Ay, ay! It hurts!

404
00:17:54,280 --> 00:17:57,079
Hang in there! Hang in there! I'll get
you to the hospital as soon as I can.

405
00:17:57,160 --> 00:17:59,391
I just want to apologize one more
time on behalf of the store...

406
00:17:59,480 --> 00:18:00,960
for any stress that
I might have caused you.

407
00:18:01,080 --> 00:18:02,753
Here, you can keep the sweatshirt
as a gift. [ Whimpers ]

408
00:18:02,840 --> 00:18:06,151
And congratulations on this baby, which
is clearly not a turkey. That was-

409
00:18:06,240 --> 00:18:08,675
Go away now!
Yeah.

410
00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:11,793
¡Ay! ¡Ay! Okay. Go on. Go on.
Get in. You good?

411
00:18:11,920 --> 00:18:14,674
What hospital are we going to?
No! No hospital!

412
00:18:14,760 --> 00:18:17,514
No hospital. Wow. Oh,
you're one of those, huh?

413
00:18:17,600 --> 00:18:20,479
Okay, please don't have it in the pool,
though, 'cause we swim in there.

414
00:18:20,560 --> 00:18:24,713
I'm not having the baby, Claire.
I was just faking it.

415
00:18:24,840 --> 00:18:26,354
What?
[ Bottle Crinkles ]

416
00:18:26,440 --> 00:18:29,399
Not bad for someone
with pregnancy brain, huh?

417
00:18:29,480 --> 00:18:33,474
Okay, that's good. That was very good.
Good thinking, Gloria.

418
00:18:33,560 --> 00:18:35,950
I'm sorry. I just couldn't sit
there and watch you suffer...

419
00:18:36,040 --> 00:18:37,997
just because you had
turned your brain off.

420
00:18:38,120 --> 00:18:40,510
Okay, I deserve that.
[ Siren Wailing ]

421
00:18:40,640 --> 00:18:42,791
Oh, no.
Oh, no, no, no, no.

422
00:18:42,880 --> 00:18:44,678
I just blew through
a red light. Damn.

423
00:18:44,760 --> 00:18:47,150
You think you can keep the pregnancy
thing up for a little while longer?

424
00:18:47,240 --> 00:18:48,720
[ Screams ]

425
00:18:48,800 --> 00:18:52,510
¡Ay! I feel the head!
Feel it! Feel it!

426
00:18:52,640 --> 00:18:54,472
Save it! Save it for the cop!
[ Screaming ]

427
00:18:54,560 --> 00:18:55,550
Save it.

428
00:18:55,760 --> 00:18:58,116
[ Cell Phone Rings ]
[ Chattering ]

429
00:18:58,240 --> 00:19:02,393
[ Sighs ] All right, guys, that's it.
Pack it up!

430
00:19:02,480 --> 00:19:05,791
You win for today.
See you on Monday.

431
00:19:05,880 --> 00:19:07,872
- That's it?
- That's it.

432
00:19:08,000 --> 00:19:10,469
So I'll go to city hall on
Monday and see what I can do,

433
00:19:10,560 --> 00:19:12,517
but... you did it, Cam.

434
00:19:12,600 --> 00:19:15,718
No, we did it. I had to run
away, and you stepped in,

435
00:19:15,840 --> 00:19:18,833
and like an understudy, you
gave a brilliant performance.

436
00:19:18,920 --> 00:19:20,673
Yeah, but you're the star.

437
00:19:20,760 --> 00:19:22,194
[ Chuckles ] Oh, well.

438
00:19:22,280 --> 00:19:25,637
Can we stop doing this
and go home?

439
00:19:25,720 --> 00:19:28,189
Yes, Lily, but I want you
to remember this moment.

440
00:19:28,280 --> 00:19:30,521
- The day your daddies made you proud.
- [ Branch Cracks ]

441
00:19:30,560 --> 00:19:33,120
- [ Yelping ]
- [ People Gasp ]

442
00:19:33,200 --> 00:19:34,236
[ Both Gasp ]

443
00:19:34,360 --> 00:19:36,636
[ Shrieking ]
Turn her away, Mitchell!

444
00:19:36,760 --> 00:19:40,549
Turn her away!
[ Both Laughing ]

445
00:19:41,720 --> 00:19:43,074
Ew.

446
00:19:44,880 --> 00:19:46,360
[ Sighs ]

447
00:19:46,440 --> 00:19:47,590
[ Horn Honks ] [ Gasps ]

448
00:19:47,680 --> 00:19:50,559
- [ Crunches ]
- Alex, what are you doing here?

449
00:19:50,640 --> 00:19:54,998
Learning a valuable lesson
about karma...

450
00:19:55,080 --> 00:19:58,039
and how wrong it is to take
pleasure in people's embarrassment.

451
00:19:58,120 --> 00:20:03,036
Wow. I don't know what any of that
means, but you look like hell.

452
00:20:03,120 --> 00:20:04,156
Say "geek."

453
00:20:04,280 --> 00:20:05,270
[ Shutter Clicks ] No!

454
00:20:05,360 --> 00:20:07,397
[ Whispering ]
He's a vandalizer!

455
00:20:10,800 --> 00:20:13,713
593 likes and counting.

456
00:20:18,720 --> 00:20:20,200
Who does he belong to?

457
00:20:20,320 --> 00:20:22,152
He's mine.

458
00:20:23,320 --> 00:20:25,994
It was a great ending
to an amazing day.

459
00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:29,079
Look. I even made the paper.
[ Laughs ]

460
00:20:29,160 --> 00:20:31,356
"Bizarre Protest
Saves Park Tree."

461
00:20:31,440 --> 00:20:33,033
Oh. Look. What's this?

462
00:20:33,160 --> 00:20:36,710
"This production of Cats should be
put to sleep"? Don't read that.

463
00:20:36,800 --> 00:20:38,029
Don't-

464
00:20:41,120 --> 00:20:43,077
[ Doorbell Rings ]

465
00:20:45,880 --> 00:20:47,360
Oh, hey, Gloria.

466
00:20:47,440 --> 00:20:50,638
Listen, I called Jay about borrowing
a drill for my dresser handles.

467
00:20:50,720 --> 00:20:53,554
I got it right here, Cam! Oh, geez.
What's with the getup?

468
00:20:53,640 --> 00:20:55,632
Ay, good.
You see that too?

469
00:20:55,720 --> 00:20:57,757
[ Barking, Growling ]
Stella, stop.

470
00:20:57,840 --> 00:20:59,797
Ay. Shh, shh.
Sorry, Cam.

471
00:20:59,880 --> 00:21:02,190
Oh, no, don't be. I take it
as a compliment. [ Hisses ]

472
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,630
[ Whimpers ]

473
00:21:04,720 --> 00:21:07,155
Cats-now and forever.

474
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:08,801
Well, actually, just
till next Thursday.

475
00:21:08,840 --> 00:21:11,674
It's been described
as transcendent.

476
00:21:11,760 --> 00:21:13,035
[ Chuckles ]

477
00:21:15,680 --> 00:21:17,637
[ Camera Shutter Clicking ]